Constant is variable...oouch!

Even the chana wala on corner of Nakano’s Minami-Indo street knows that my, okay our country is so full of diversities in-spite of overwhelming adversities.
He is amazed and so am I and so is my client who keeps wondering how the people of same demography speak the same language in so many many different ways.
M ia yum, L is yul, sh is ssss…
Gulf is Gelf, office is ooffise, what is whaaat and the list is just endless…practically every word is spoken in as many ways as the number of people.
We don’t follow a convention, we create one…each one creates one and is not going to accept that he/she may be erroneous in their usage of the language.
We have the Hindi English, the Punjabi English, the Tamil English, the Kannada English, the UP/Bihari or the Bhaiya English, the Bongla English, the Gujarati(Patel) English and no am not ignoring the Mallu English and there are, may be many more…
Only very few do really know that there exists a difference in the pronunciation between the words that begin V and W…well is as good as vell and its all wery vonderful.
My experiences with people form different regions of India has been funny (remember funny in Indian English is not just weird or strange but could be "rude"/"precocious"/"impolite").
The Punjabi English would make it difficult for you to interpret if the guy opposite you wants a bat or bet. Bet is as good as Bat and now this is a risky!
The “th” sound in “thing” has no residence in Indian English, it’s the dental ‘t’ followed by aspiration.
The funny (?) part is that the usage of English changes like striking speed of Shinkansen(metaphor that my friend came up with) when a guy starts talking to a girl.
The usual sentences that used to end with “yaar” suddenly end with “yaah”…yeah right, this sounds more posh huh, give me a break …get up guys, wash your face and face the truth.
Eg: “I am so tired yaah”/”dump him yaah, he is such a looser”…yeah choose this one with “yaah” annotation…another looser.
Bhaiya English, no established pattern followed. Speak what you think is right or just speak something.
Block becomes /bla:k/, pension is penson(I don’t know who’s son he is), there is no attention coz its all attenSON and shame becomes same. So if you get a “same” remark while in Bhaiya land,am sorry…wish I could help.
Bong Babu English, totally under the stress of sing-song strain.
What becomes bhat and bus is baas. Poison is paaigen and again the fun does not end and amuses me each time I have to understand what was actually meant.
Woah, now the Gujarati English or actually Englis, takes the super front seat where RAP becomes rape…I am offered snakes when I expect some snacks and the world is full of amaging people.
The Mallus who account for a major population of the Gelf are not ready to shet up (read Shut up). They work hard at ooffise and go hooorse riding over de weekend and dond you dare put their loyalty for Gelf in quesgen. You would find more of them in Gulf than in India…
So much diversity in the one language, in one demography, even the moderators are ashamed sometimes as to why they lacked so much innovation.
Its just crazy to hear the same word spoken in different ways attempting to convey the same meaning but who knows where and how it ends up!
Am still exploring the discrete usage of English in our country…if you have any inputs…please, Onegashimasu(please go ahead in Japanese).